Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
