i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
