Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
