Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
