well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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