You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
