just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
