sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
