That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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