Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
