clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
