I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
