im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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