we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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