Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
