I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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