How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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