Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
