I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
