i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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