I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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