Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
