I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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