whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
