remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
