next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
