i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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