hotel room ftw
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
