i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
