what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
