I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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