This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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