I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
