Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
