sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
