Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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