Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
