i can't believe i had my finger in that
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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