C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
