pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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