Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There r osticjed everywhere
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
