sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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