and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
tell me about the eggs
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