My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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