im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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