You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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