True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
