Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
