So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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