It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
