the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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