I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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