I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
