I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How naked do you want me to be?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
