broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
